When Sue was still a new baby, I read in something about a woman who gave birth at home by herself to a baby she definitely didn't want. She got rid of it by putting a towel around it and sticking it up in her icy attic. Left it to die. I thought of that baby when Sue had finished nursing (at night) and that tiny face lay, sleeping, against my still bare boob. She was warm and cuddled and dearly loved.
When she got older and had all the little kid bumps and bruises and hurts that mamas can make well with a kiss and maybe a bandaid, it was all acceptable. All but that broken collar bone when she was about 6. She was so scared when she swallowed a dime and asked me if it would hurt very much when the doctor had to cut it out of her. Her relief was great when I told her how it would get out on its own! And when fevers caused her to hallucinate creatures that terrified her, being on my lap kept her safe.
Then came the day she clung to me, both of us crying because she had cancer of the lung. And a world of love from a mama couldn't help. I could only hold her hand when she died.
4 comments:
You are wrong about the "world of love from a mama" not helping. You gave Suey emotional support that was very very needed at that time. Think how much more horrid and scary it would have been for her otherwise. She relied on you, Kris, Erin, and Sandra very much for emotional and physical support. Had you not been there.....I hate to even think of it.
Grandma, that was the sweetest memory. Sue loved her momma and you two had a special bond. Not only did it help her to go peacefully but probobly helped you as well. Now I'm all full of tears again and missing that Susan but we have so many good memories of her. I know if I was dying, I would want my momma right there on one side, Mike on the other of course and my babies all around me. We are truely blessed to have the family that we do..... Much love Grams
Both of you are right about the emotional support I could give Sue. She helped me through it too by so often--when we happened to be alone in a room--calling my name just to say "I love you" to me. What I meant though, Luana, was that little girl hurts could be cured by the mom's hugs and kisses. The cancer couldn't.
Yes, the cancer wouldn't go away. But, I like what Riley said. "The cancer wouldn't/couldn't leave Susan, so Susan left the cancer." I like that. I still miss her. And, Smell Mell, you better never get to that point where you need me on one side and Mike on the other. I WILL NOT lose my kids. I will go the way it was intended....me first!
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