Okay. 20 wishes, or however many as I can think of
1- to be needed.
2- new hearing aids that would work and let me join the world again.
3- to be able to live alone. I don't want to live alone, just to be able to.
4- to be able to go grocery shopping or any kind of shopping really. Computers sure are handy, though, huh?
5- to be able to sew and have someone to sew for besides myself. And that brings up the next one--
6- to be able to see clearly.
And now I'm going in a new direction.
I'd like to turn back the clock by many years so I can ask questions. I would want to know all about my Grandpa Burns. His brothers and sisters, who they were and what became of them
and their children. And I'd ask about his childhood, how his foot got crippled, who his parents were. I would want to know all about my Grandma Burns too since she died before I was 2 years old. Another one I would question is my dad. He talked a lot about his work as a pennitentiary guard and about the inmates at the reformatory and about the stage shows he and my mom saw. He sang me the songs from those shows. But--I want to ask him about his mom and dad and his first wife and his son George by that wife. I would want details! But I never asked one single question. How could I be so indifferent? He told me some of the devilment he ans his brothers got into, but that was all he told. My mom went in the other direction, and since I insisted on hearing everything from her over and over, I should have realized Iwould someday want to know about my father. Dumb! Another person I would pin down is my Grandpa Bixby. He did talk quite a bit about early days of his life, but nothing that I considered interesting. I didn't feel like I really knew him until about 35 years after he died when I came across the life story he had written. He was such an interesting and entertaining man, and I botched it! I would ask him all about Grandma Bixby too since I was only 8 when she died. And I would want to know all about Grandpa and Grandma's sisters and brothers and parents. I want to know them, and I'd like so much to know them now--or preferably many years ago!
All this makes me wonder if my grandkids and great-grandkids someday in the far future will wish they had gotten better acquainted with me when I was around to talk to! There's that old saying--now I'm old enough to know all the answers but nobody asks me the questions!
Once Upon a Time........
Sleep Happened
4 comments:
Okay, that settles it. I NEVER want to get so old that I have to wish for the things you just did. I would much rather be on the other side than to have to not hear, see, or be able to get out and about. How do you stand it? And what do you mean by the wish of wanting to be needed? Don't you know that you have children and grandchildren who love you and want you around? We may not need you to cook, wash, help with homework etc., but you are our mom and we love you and need to know you are there when we want to see you and spend time with you. DUH! Oh yeah, and as for your relatives that you don't know very well.....just you wait. Your time to be with them again is not too far distant and you will know so many things you could never have dreamed of knowing in this life. I sometimes envy the fact that some of my relatives have already been able to go "HOME". I look forward to that experience very much.
Okay, Luana. "needed" is the relationship I had with your daddy. And I don't mean the bedroom needs. Neither of us felt complete, whole, without the other. We sort of became like the elderly couple who couldn't remember anymore which one of them didn't like brocoli. And when your dad became confused--couldn't remember where his bedroom was and called the bathroom the "basement" and cried because he thought I'd left and he might die without me there with him--that is truly being needed. And now to those relatives I don't know. I wasted all those years when I could have enjoyed a relationship with them and probably profitted by it. If you live long enough yourself, you'll know how lonely it is to be on the sidelines--loved but not really necessary. Slop, slop, huh?
Living a mortal life is fun for me because I can still read, crochet, enjoy TV, scrapbooking, and the like. I too look forword to joining all of those people who went HOME already, but I still want to take along yarn and scrapbooks, and a piano, and books to read. And once upon a time all of you sought me out for my companionship. Remember? Not no more. I can remember my mom talking about that happening to her. Happens to everyone I guess who hangs on long enough. Such is the way of the world. If I ever become a mindless idiot, please knock me in the head!
Oh I am sure there are the likes of music and creating in the eternities that your finite mind just simply can not comprehend. Wait until you are there and then see if you still yearn for yarn and scrapbooking. These are mortal comforts and pleasures. I think we are in for an amazing discovery that the mortal pleasures are just the tip of the iceberg in comparison to what lies ahead. And that was so sweet what you said about you and daddy. Now I understand what you mean. Now that he is gone, you are incomplete and not loved and needed as you need to be.
OH my gosh grandma. What you said about grandpa was the sweetest thing I've ever read. Seriously. It made me teary eyed.
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